I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
