Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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