seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
