I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
