you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
