Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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