got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
