I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
