i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
