I'm so fucking centered right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
