one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
