ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize