I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize