How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
