Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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