i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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