Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
