what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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