there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
