we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
