38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
