Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
