cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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