there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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