I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
