She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
