He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
