Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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