im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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