Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
