my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
