There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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