O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
