I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you didnt know i had herpes?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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