I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
