so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
