I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
