I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
