Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Send help, water and tortillas.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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