What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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