it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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