Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do cheetos always look like penises
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
