The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
