you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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