I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
