I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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