You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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