Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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