A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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