I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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