I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
