is your mom at the bar?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
