is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
