I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize