I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
