You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
