Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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