It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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