so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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