So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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