just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
