i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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