and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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