i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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