I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
