I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize