Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
