I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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