Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
