Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need water and some morals
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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