Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just tell him i said nine months
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
