i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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